My cable was out last night, so I turned on my Netflix and decided to finally watch The BULLY Movie, the documentary that followed the lives of kids being bullied and focused on two sets of parents that had lost their child because of bullying. It was heart wrenching. I cried within the first five minutes. It brought me back to my school years, from fifth grade through high school when I was bullied. In my younger years it was mostly verbal; gossip, lies and rumors but when I got into 8th grade and high school, the Internet also became a place for my peers to bully me. When I was younger, I was picked on for my weight and my hair (which basically stayed the same until sometime in high school), so I tried everything to get skinny. Then, I was picked on and had rumors spread about me being a slut and other horrible things. I could not escape it. I was always too scared to say anything. I use to cut and I thought of suicide on many different occasions, just to escape the whispers and loneliness I felt.
I remember in seventh grade, my group of "best friends" actually had an I hate Lenore club...I found out about it only because the leader...my "best friend" played both sides. She would be so friendly to me and we would hang out and have sleepovers and at school they would all talk to me, but then also be very secretive with each other. One night at the girl's house, she had fallen asleep before me, so I went through her note box (back then everyone kept notes they had written in class and such) and found notes between her and guys in my class and my supposed friends all saying how they hated me and I was so ugly and fat and on and on. She use to even have the guys rate the girls and she always made sure I saw how close to the bottom I was. She was a bully. I think I finally realized how badly I was being treated when I was at another one of the girl's houses for a birthday party sleepover. I was excited to, it was boy-girl and we played truth or dare. When my so called "best friend" dared this one guy to kiss me he got a disgusted look and refused, so everyone laughed. I actually remember calling my mom from the kitchen and having her pick me up...knowing they were going to make fun of me as soon as I left...but not wanting to be there because they were going to make it a horrible night for me.
I wish I could say I stood up for myself and so forth, but really what happened was over the summer I spent time with new friends that I had met in my neighborhood and lost weight and gained confidence and friends (real ones) and switched into a magnet program (so I no longer saw those girls) and the leader switched schools. Ironically, I just ended up dealing with a new group of bullies.
And it continued, different bullies, different years, different lies and rumors and reasons.
It needs to stop. I want to help, but I'll admit I don't know exactly how to. I want to organize something; a 5k for awareness (raising money for non-profits that help stop bullying), an outreach program designed to give a safe place for kids to go and talk with others who are going through the same thing. I want to help change the laws for bullying, especially cyberbullying which is just as serious in today's society. I want to do whatever I can...I just don't know where to start.
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